vs. Reality

I.

When my wife and I were young in ministry, our local work had taken off to the point that other churches were hoping I'd consider joining them instead of the church where I was serving. Determining if God is calling elsewhere is a heart wrenching process. The purpose of the follower of Jesus is primarily to follow. Sometimes, following Jesus to the next step makes sense from the outside looking in. At other times, it does not. After going through a process with a church in the Bay Area, genuinely conflicted, my wife and I scheduled an appointment with a wonderful, godly man named Bob Lewis, who was also our denominational Director of Mission. Bob gave us a fantastic spiritual plumb line that has worked for us ever since. "Never move unless you have a deep, Holy Spirit peace that passes understanding about being called from and being called to." One of the two, he said, is not enough. At the time, we thought this was only to positions. Over time, we've discovered that it might simply be to God's commands.

When we moved from Naperville to Ohio, we literally set out toward an unknown horizon. We didn't know anyone who lived here. We chose our area of Ohio based on proximity to grandchildren, Midwestern culture, and the fact that it was as good a place to move as any. Our reasons for moving were based on decades of knowing God's voice and following Him. In our journey, it has led to relocations globally and in various locations nationally. The sacrifice of this shouldn't be underestimated. "Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.” Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God” (Luke 9:61-62). In other words, it's all about what God is doing, and not about following family in the name of God. Our children are adults. Sometimes, God has blessed us by bringing our family together unexpectedly.

II.

"Las Vegas odds were that your son would follow you." 

I was in a conversation with a friend yesterday, and a member of our previous congregation, who said those words. My son is the worship pastor of the church in which we'd just served. When we moved to OH, apparently many thought he and his family were likely to follow. And it makes tons of sense from the outside looking in. But it makes zero sense from the inside looking out. Sometimes perceived reality and actual reality collide. 

In actual reality, our family stresses two things that we've found incredibly important: 1) Follow God first. If God is leading a member of our family across the planet, we celebrate His leadership and that individual's decision to be obedient to follow that leading. My first core value is, "Love goes." I've repeatedly told all of my children, "Trust me. We'll come to you to visit. Love goes, which means our love for you will intentionally find you and maintain contact." But all of us have to follow God first and foremost. In actual reality, my son knew he was responsible first for leading his family to God's call. And God's call is completely separate from what we're doing. If it coincides, we're thrilled! But none of us first seeks to coincide. In fact, he had followed other opportunities and invitations to other places - most further away from where my wife and I wound up - Texas, Iowa, Michigan, California, Indiana...all extended invitations his way. In each of those processes, I was incredibly proud of him as he sought God's will. I think we wore out Zillow looking for potential homes for them in each of those cities and areas! In fact, for most of those, I was still ministering as the lead pastor of the church where he was serving. But I'd decided a long time ago not to play to a defensive posture with staff. Rather, I wanted them to feel the freedom to explore other options, while also serving faithfully where they were. Plus, many processes are exactly that. Not all pursuits warrant panic at losing staff members. 2) Remember the plumb line. At the end of each of those processes, no one was more surprised than he and his wife that God would not give a peace about leaving his position for those opportunities, nearly all of which were to larger church contexts. What was happening?

III.

In the meantime, Melissa and I were busy following God's commands. We prayed that God would have us all together, but knew it was highly unlikely. God's ways are not our ways and our wish is not His command. So we prayed for a miracle while also recognizing God may move us from Ohio as well. God began to work, bringing our sons miraculously to our area. Our oldest applied to 300 job positions, nearly all of which were in Kentucky (for reasons of being with his kids and needing to pay child support), and only one job opened up...20 minutes from our home in Ohio. God made his will clear circumstantially, and we're thankful he was obedient. Our youngest son moved into his first-ever apartment, which was an answer to a long-time prayer for him...about 20 minutes from our home in Ohio. God made his will clear contextually, and we're thankful he was obedient.

Then our middle son, the worship pastor, mentioned to us he was looking at a position that had opened up in Ohio, a little over an hour north of us. We all agreed to keep the main thing the main thing (see section II above). Even as God led the church and our son through the process, we were skeptical. How often had he led at the final Sunday, been offered a position, and then turned it down? Often. And this church was very unlike the others. Josiah led in worship the Sunday before I was to head out for an interview (and a potential move for our family) to another state. I dropped in toward the tail end of services. We still didn't know if a) they were going to make an offer, and b) if he and his wife were going to accept. In the aforementioned scenarios, they didn't have a peace after offers were made, and from our experience, what were the odds that God would choose to lead him in proximity to our new location, and particularly if we weren't completely sure where God was leading us? They made him the offer, and he accepted within 24 hours of leading worship there. They had a peace that passed understanding. Some may think we're happy he, his wife, and our granddaughter are moving closer to us...and they would be right! But we're happier that they sought out the Lord and chose to follow Him first in the process. As a result, we have a certainty that it wasn't a desire to be closer to family that brought them closer, but God's divine leadership. Sometimes, God blesses in ways we hope for, but can't anticipate.

IV.

There are many joys to having multiple pastors in the same family. But there are also some complications. One complication is the assumptions others make from the outside looking in that don't reflect reality from the inside looking out. Perceived reality clashes with actual reality, and often, pastors are helpless to convince others of what is happening behind-the-scenes. For example, to have two pastors within the same family - regardless of competency or call - often begs questions of nepotism or favoritism. Some pastors overcorrect. Some undercorrect. And some simply don't care. But I've a good sense of church history and personal experience because my father was also in ministry, so in our family we take extra precautions to try and limit as many of those misperceptions as possible. We're doubly cautious to make sure God is speaking and we are following. Just because one can does not mean one should. If God calls us to walk around the walls of Jericho, we've learned to make sure it's God who is doing that calling. So we follow Biblical principles, pray where and how God allows, and celebrate His leadership in the process. 

In this case, God led my son separately from leading us. God has to. We lead separate families and we follow His will individually. And it was only God who put us in proximity. There was no enticement from our side, and no "because they're there, that's where we'll go" from his side. Furthermore, it can only be attributed as a miracle of God that all of our sons will soon be in Ohio, living within 90 minutes of one another. This God-sized miracle of movement is so impactful, my wife and I felt it's seismic impact on our own process for determining future opportunities. For whatever reason, God has made clear His leadership of place during this season. For that reason, and a host of others, we continue to marvel at how God moves mountains in unforeseen ways.